.its · hard · to · see · when · your · eyes · are · in · the · back · of · your · head.

so im doing well
schools almost out n im fucking bored with it already
JPO*u#+&^+@&+@#+@#&

i just went tanning people think
i have money bc i ten but really there left over from last christmas when my sister bought me like 30 conventional beds.

i love tanning when its cold out im like yea im gonna go get warm fuckers.
hahhaahhahahahhahahaaaahahahahahaahahaahahhahahaahahhhhahahahaha

im so hungry.
so hurgry.

i cant wait to have a job again even if its temporary i dont give a fuck ill work anywhere at this point i need money

bye.

i got a job
its stupid
im really tired
and my shins hurt

i packaging irobots
vincent works with me
pretty random
made a friend today
shes cool
took her home

cant wait for patrick to get off work
so i can hug him
for love

im sweaty.
bye.

dear diary
why the fuck are boys so much more complex than girls?
my relationship is more than i could ask for but theres so many complecated things that are new and happening that have never happend which freaks the fuck out of me honestly.
patrick mostly.
hes just doin odd things that he hasnt before in our entire 2year relationship hes never done them so of course my red alert is on
nothing big just like going n hanging out with his friends and partying n then not telling me and not talking to me till like the next day (...personal..)
and then theres the sex thing.
what happend? we use to every single day and now its like once a week maybe if were not tired.
what are we fucking married and boring.
common now.

and another thing hes been doing is myspace just bc at his new work theres nothing to do besides computer but still. a stupid fucking girl commented him and he writes her a whole fucking paragraph back and she knows my sister and parties at her house.
i do not like her.
die.
kay. ...so one night were partying nothing out of normal so were on the way back to patricks
and this cars following us n im like oh fuck niggers were all gonna die then we get there n a bunch of fucking girls get out.
go in to patricks house.
meanwhile were outside.
and go pee.
while his parents are sleeping mine you.
and i say babe are you serious? your gonna let sum girls go in your house alone when the rents are sleeping?
-he respondes babe are you fucking seriouly gonna get mad blahblabhablhbl ive know those girls forever.

like the amount of time your friends with someone matters more than your significant other right.

so guess who one a the girls was? yes the girl that he was talking to on myspace and that knows my sister.
i think i remember him mentioning the dated when they were younger.

what really bothers me the most about going to any social gathering and seeing a bunch of girls kissing and hugging my boyfriend
is that ive heard stories from him about how blah blah they dated of they made out or about how one of them walked in to his house pushed him on the floor and fucked em.
then i have to see them all grown up and better looking all over the person who
supposadly wants to spend his life with me?

yup this is why i dont go to parties like that anymore.
that and patrick is too tired mostly.
**breatththhhh*

its not that big a deal i just wish he would see where im coming from bc all this stuff added up kinda is a problem which is why my red alert is on.

stay calm.
i know he loves me i just wish it were more appearent like my love for him.

oh any im pretty sure his step dad knows ive been sleeping in his rrooom and making a dumby in the other room. hahah.

<3